Kelsey and Crazies

You sure do meet some interested people while in other countries. Kelsey has happened upon two that might just drive you to be a hermit:

Okay so there's been a bit of demand for stories involving the crazies i tend to meet. The first one was in melbourne, where i somehow found myself roped into a conversation with an eldery englishman who i think has lived at the hostel for about 15 years... he told me a very long story about how he was hurt in canada once and he refused the medical bills so now he's not allowed back in canada....i thought this was the end of the conversation, but just as i was about to do the obligatory, "wow that's something, gotta be heading to bed here" he somehow started onto a new topic. i somehow mentioned i was in english and that i had done paradise lost recently, so he figured i wanted to hear the bible paraphrased from beginning to end. figure that one out. by the time he got to cain and able i told him that i only really knew genesis, but he juts kept on going! the ark was almost loaded up by the time i got him onto a new topic. (It was 11pm at this point....my eyes were closing.) It was a lot like trying to stay awake in class. did i mention he was incredibly soft spoken so i could barely hear him anyway???

so he gets onto the topic of creative writing (i don't know why i kept adding fuel to the fire but he thought i was interested i supposed) and he decides to recite from memory, a story he wrote. i refuse to bore you with the details of it, but it involved a miner who found his wife in bed with another man and yadda yadda, romeo and juliet style story....i was SO CLOSE to getting out the conversation at this point. i accidentally spilled my juice everywhere so i jumped up to clean it up, but when i got back with paper towel he was already onto his next story.... i sat down and i ALMOST started crying right there....i was so tired and he was so crazy i just wanted to jump out the window. at one point i thought "this is what jail must feel like". so finally i mumbled something about not feeling well and i ran away.....that was crazy #1..

Crazy #2: I've decided that the reason i get proposed to on public buses, and the reason people like caveman ask to comb my hair on the subway stem from one problem. DON'T MAKE EYE CONTACT WITH STRANGERS. I try to follow this rule but i messed up and here's the result: I'm sitting at a lovely cafe sipping some water, and this crazy lookin guy with his hair everywhichway kind of ambles towards me...i think "oh shit here's another crazy person to deal with" so he goes "OY....whaterayou blah blah WHO ARE YOU?!?"

so he asks me where i'm freom and i tell him canada, so he lights a smoke and takes a seat across from me and starts telling me about this gang in new york that robbed him once when he was there, so he told me to write down the name of this guy so i could go and kill him. (did i have a gun???) he wanted to know....so i'm sitting there wondering when he's gonna pull out a knife, when the waiter comes out and was like "sorry mate you can't have a smoke here" so buddy GOES OFF starts throwing chairs and yelling and saying he's just talking to his friend (i guess that's me) and the guys like "look mate i'm not gonna fight yuo yadda yadda" so this went on for minute and the police just happenedc to drive by so they hopped out, the guys swinging at the police, it's turning into quite the scene, so they cuff him and chuck him in the back into a sort of SPCA cage-thingey and they drive off! The guy was screaming about how australia was going to shit, and the police were like, "pipe down, warren". guess they deal with him a lot.